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| I'm having some difficulty prioritizing my time. Perhaps I should not leave myself logged into Meebo for so long.
I really like talking to you guys, but I need to start finishing my projects, including work stuff, before I keep running out of time everyday... I dunno, it's all on me. Not you, so what am I going to do about it? Well, I think I'm going to log off and meditate, for now, and I'll be back in a while.
EDIT:
I fell asleep o.o'
I was doing very well at first, but for sustained meditation, I need concentration. Or at least to sit up instead of laying down.
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| In case you guys haven't noticed, I'm back in Phx. Making good headway in Jung's auto-biography. It's very interesting, especially since he describes his dreams and visions all throughout his life, in context with the significant events going on at the time. If I ever write an auto-biography, I want it to be like this, but I'm not so good at remembering my dreams or their context, even when I do record them.
Been feeling more introspective lately. I feel I've drifted from myself due to school. Hell, I haven't even written lately and that's what I REALLY want to be doing. I'm going to better prioritize my time in a last ditch effort to keep from scheduling it, because I hate schedules with a passion. Perhaps if I don't spend hours online or caught up in porn before I even begin my work, I'd make better headway. I've been doing better, term by term. So I want to keep that momentum and keep doing better. Instead of losing it and crashing like I did with ASU. Those days are behind me and I'm keeping them there.
I need to finish the Jungle, but I think I want to work on some short comics. Like 20 pages or less. Maybe I'll just do the art myself cus I really need some fucking finished products to help motivate me. I know I'm going to finish the Jungle and that it'll be a bestseller, but it's just taking me so damn long.
I'm considering speaking to the Ancients on the first. I only say considering because my mind is still fighting the idea. I know I'm going to and I know it will be a wonderful, insightful experience. After all, it is the sacrament of my forefathers. I simply haven't given it the consideration that I have other things yet. Time to change that.
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| Heading home for Yule and taking K with me. Can't wait to get back there. We fly out tomorrow afternoon, should make it home around mid evening. Maybe try to write, mostly just read and relax. Gotta apply for Montgomery GI Bill. Shoulda done it yesterday.
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| A couple of nights ago some freaky shit happened.
I was walking to meet K at the bus stop, when I noticed there were some 4 or 5 police cars with their lights on out in front of the liquor store. A man was sitting on the railing to the little car dealer next door with a cop watching him while another cop was talking to a couple. I think it was just a fight, since the guy would have already been in the car if it was a robbery. Right? Anyway, I keep going and notice this group of about 5 kids goofing off as they walked down the sidewalk. I said excuse me and stepped through them, one kid asked me for a light and I told him I didn't have one. Some girl made a comment and then the kid talked shit about me behind my back. I just kept going and ignored it, no sense fussing with kids while I'm trying to see K. They caught up to me while I was waiting for the light to change and he started talking shit again, but I just kept walking. I mean, it's not like I'm going to fight him.
It was very weird and startling to happen right after spotting the fight, but I guess it shouldn't have been. I seem to have focused my anxiety from seeing the cops with their lights on on the universe and forced it to give me reason for anxiety. I just couldn't believe I was actually getting harassed by kids, as if I was back in high school or something.
The next night, yesterday, I noticed that the moon was barely a crescent, so the prior night, the weird night, must have been the new moon. Then, today, Bryan and I were riding back from having dropped K off at work. Bryan started talking about seeing a drunk driver crash into a median while coming off the highway. He said he was banged up, but ok. I said it was a fucking miracle. Good thing he didn't hit anyone else, but I hope he learned a lesson. Turns out that took place on the same night, the new moon night.
We talked about it, describing the moon as a gravity well just spinning around our planet. Science already theorizes that gravity wells cause time dilation, to various degrees. The thing is, you have to remember the natural universe is on an analog pattern. While we move ever and ever forward to a digital singularity, the rest of the universe is still scratching rounded sound-waves. We think that these gravitational and other forces have a negligible effect upon us, but the truth is that analog doesn't work with negligible. Every shift of the smallest fraction resonates throughout the entire wavelength. It's not like digital, where you go from 1 to 0 then 1 again.
But out artificial universe is. All of our societies and the technologies driving them are digital, and they can generate effects too. EMP has almost been common language since Ocean's 11 and Small Soldiers came out. Even if the effects are somewhat exaggerated, or completely forgotten, the truth is that they are a part of our environment. So the progression of life is an eternal shift in the throes between analog universe and digital existence. Every group has to find it's place on the spectrum and respect the right of other groups to remain at their own spot. However, this doesn't mean we can't intermingle and create whole new vibrations and more complex patterns with one another.
The levels of existence that this influences is really everything. Life and the universe are just an eternal middle point of relativity. We can see ourselves as giants towering over the microscopic or subatomic universe, or we can see ourselves as minuscule points of nothingness lost amongst the infinite expanse of the universe. We can look back to the birth of all existence, where time is compressed to an unimaginable degree, or we can look forward to our cataclysmic future, where the universe is lost to us and our fraction of galaxies collide into a giant fireball. We're always just stuck in the middle on the balance between chaos and insanity, or love and ecstasy or any damn way you want to paint the spectrum and the universe.
Go back any number of years and you'll still see the same dynamics across society, the same patterns amongst the stars, just shifted to a different scale. Go forward and you'll see the same, just with a red-shift instead. This is our place in infinity, as a fraction of the eternal cosmos, but also harboring a universe within each of us.
"But it's turtles all the way down!" she said to Bertrand Russel.
Now another aspect of all of this is us, matter, humans, sentient beings populating and manipulating our external universe while we experience it on our own unique spectrum of experience. There's many theories of consciousness and existence, but we can at least all agree upon, barring solipsism and other extremist theories, that we're here, composed of matter composed of atoms composed of subatomic particles composed of... what?
What is a sub-atomic particle? Yet another Russian Nesting Doll of scientific secrets and the mysteries of the universe?1 Particle-Wave Theory expresses that at least some particles express various characteristics of waves while some waves express various characteristics of particles. Scientists discovered this when they shot electrons through a sheet with slits in it. If the electron had been a particle, it would have only passed through one slit. Instead it passed through multiple slits, simultaneously, creating an interference pattern much like that created by light when it is put under the same circumstances. This effect was explained by the electron having traveled all possible paths from point a to point b, at once.
Science has continued this theory and stated that the particle/wave actually exists simultaneously as both. It is the wave of energy passing through the particles, but also the particle carrying the wave of energy. They've even extended this duality up to a macroscopic scale, saying atoms themselves and even molecules can exhibit these signs, all the way up to the universal scale. The difference being the wavelength that the energy rolls on. It's either too big or too small to see, except for this spectrum right in the middle.
Tao Te Ching Chapter 25b:
"It flows through all things,
inside and outside, and returns
to the origin of all things.
The Tao is great.
The universe is great.
Earth is great.
Man is great.
These are the four great powers.
Man follows the earth.
Earth follows the universe.
The universe follows the Tao.
The Tao follows only itself."
-Lao Tzu
1The scale works in both directions, remember. Each era we come a step closer to being one step away from finding the ultimate meaning of life. Each era, we're one step closer to being one step away from the triumphant return of the Messiah, of YHWH, of Allah, of Ragnarok, of Osiris, of Persephone, of whoever/whatever/whichever language you want to use.
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| I've been doing some reading on Datura stramonium through Erowid, trying to find reports of long term effects from sustained usage. I checked out this one page entitled "Miscellaneous Information" which had this piece at the end of it:
From: Thomas Ashcraft <72632.1427@CompuServe.COM>
Newsgroups: alt.psychoactives
Subject: Cutivator's Report: Daturas
Date: 28 Sep 1994 22:58:31 GMT
Message-ID: <36csen$co7$1@mhadf.production.compuserve.com>
Cultivator's Report: Datura
I've been working with different Daturas (stramoniums and inoxias)
for about ten years. Here are a couple of things I've found.
Cultivating the plant is a good way to get to know its properties.
This is probably true for all botanicals. Datura reveals itself over
time. It is not necessarily a pleasant plant in personality but
having it around energizes the household.
Observe and note. Note its companion bugs. Establish communications
with its beetles. The plant needs its beetles so try not to disrupt
their symbiosis too much. Be respectful of their own relationship.
Note everything. Sit with the plant. Get on plant time. Listen in
plant language. Photosynthesize together. Stream together.
Here is one way to "intake" it that is safer than other methods.
Grow it in pots. When it flowers in the evening bring the potted
plant indoors and let its fragrance fill the room. Breathe it in.
Sometimes this makes for a strong experience. You have to have a
certain sort of mind to accomodate the experience comfortably but as
one cultivates a relationship with Datura this kind of mind develops
naturally.
Then when the wild black dog appears, looks you in the eyes, and
--
Thomas Ashcraft / Mopus, Chink, and Oof
All I can think now is... what the hell?
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